he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
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i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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