so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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