dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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