you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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