My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
