SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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