i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
you would pick up someone in the library
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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