So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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