why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
