I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
