Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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