I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
