Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
