hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you didnt know i had herpes?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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