my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
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he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
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He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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