when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
