Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Operation Purity has been aborted
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
