Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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