She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I have feelings that need drinking.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
