Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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