soooo we both peed the bed last night...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
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The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
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I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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