just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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