First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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