We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize