Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
