there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
