In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Randomize
