The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
