I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
