just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
this hospital has no fireball
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
