You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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