I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
