What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
