she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
