I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
