apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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