she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
