one two three fourrrrnication!
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
