I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
