Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
