I think my vagina is haunted
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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