Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
