hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
