Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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