I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
