So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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