She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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