I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
