Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
