Sry I called you an 8
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
