Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
