Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
