I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
