i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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