; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
