I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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