and she was petting her beer can
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Randomize
