I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
