running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize