She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
