it's too hot outside to masturbate.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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