Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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