I faked an abortion last night.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize