ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
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