Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
