38 yer olds are good kisserssss
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
