Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
