who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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