At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
