Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
